Work on Listening

As a Provost many people will come to you when they have a problem or need advice. You may believe that it is your responsibility to give your opinion and advice on every issue that arises.  This is a very unwise practice and will often result in those who report to you to avoid discussing some issues in your presence. It is best to offer your opinion when it is asked for and on topics that you have expertise and/or experience.  If you give your opinion and advice on every issue that comes up, others will stop listening to you even when an issue arises where  your advice and opinion would be helpful. It is difficult to distinguish what to pay attention to when someone is always talking and providing their opinion and advice even when their opinion and advice are sound and likely to be helpful.   If you are talking a great deal, you will not be listening.  Not listening sends a message that you don't value what someone else thinks, you only value what you think. 

Listening is a hard skill to acquire.  Having done a lot of marriage counseling, I can attest to the fact that a major hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship is the failure of one or both parties to listen to each other.  They may talk a great deal, but they rarely listen to what the other person says.  When It appeared to me that the couples were not listening to each other, I would stop the conversation and ask the nonspeaking spouse to tell me what her or his spouse just said.  It was amazing how often they had no idea.  They were too busy focusing on what they were about to say and did not listen to what their spouse was saying. 

As we go through the world, we hear lots of sounds, music, voices, noises, rumbles, and  sounds of familiar objects like a car. etc.  We hear them and process them at some level but really don't listen.  Ask yourself how many times you have been in meetings with others talking and you really can't remember much of what was said.  You were hearing the voices, but you weren't listening.  Listening requires directed attention and concentration.  When you listen to someone speak, you should be concentrating on what they are saying and working on, not letting any other sounds or thoughts get in the way.  It is easy to get distracted by your thoughts and images and any outside sources in your environment.  Listening is critical for many of the reasons stated above.  If you want to be a good listener, you need to work at it.  I suggest you practice listening every time you can.  When someone else is talking, concentrate on what they are saying.  Pay attention to the vocabulary because choice of words can be very important.  If someone says, "I am miserable and don't think I can deal with the things in my life anymore," it should send an alarming message. If they simply say they are having a bad day and are feeling down, there is likely no reason for alarm. 

People assume they are not being listened to when we fail to resist the temptation to multi-task when they are speaking.  For example, looking the computer screen as an email alert appears, reading an incoming text message on your phone, or simply looking away and making eye contact with someone other than the speaker.  If you do have a magical skill of being able to listen while multi-tasking, it is important to communicate what you heard back to the speaker to verify and validate that you heard correctly what they had just said.

You should also pay attention to the nonverbal gestures. It is important to note when gestures and words send different messages. If a person is telling you how happy s/he is and have their head down and are speaking in a very subdued tone, it is hard to figure out what they are experiencing. Gestures are important sources of information.  You should be careful not to make too much from every gesture. It is important to get to know the people who report to you and to whom you report in terms of their usual presentations. I know a well-known academician who always spoke in soft tones and had a presentation that was not animated. This was his usual presentation, no matter the topic at hand.   

Remember, listening is a skill that needs practice and commitment.  It has great benefits for your interactions with others. After all, effective provosts must be authentic and must ensure that people believe they are being heard. 

 


 

Louis H. Primavera, Associate Provost for Special Projects, Touro University

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